Life Happens

Why was I not posting since 2014? I had many attempts to write and blog since my last entry, but I always end up... Stalling? Lazing? Tired? Busy? Uninspired? I. Do. Not. Know.

Life took over. Let us make a quick run through of what happened.

1. I defended my thesis.
2. I graduated.
3. I unexpectedly got a job without applying.
4. I turned a year older.
5. I took the licensure exam.
6. I failed the licensure exam.
7. I went to my province to "cope up" with my failure.
8. I went back to work.
9. I turned another year older.
10. I took the licensure exam again.
11. I failed again.
12. I went to the province again.
13. I went back to work again.
14. I learned calligraphy.
15. I turned another year older.
16. I took the licensure exam again and again.
17. I failed again and again.
18. I went to the province again and again.
19. I went back to work again and again.
20. I paused work to review again and again.
21. I turned a year older, again.
22. I took the exam again and again and again.
23. I unexpectedly found myself jobless.
24. I failed again and again and again.
25. I find myself hanging in the air.

So you know the feeling of not knowing where now life takes you, especially when the life you are living for the past 3 years has been the routine you have been doing, then suddenly it stops. It sucks. Big time. 

And at the same time, you get to question life why it is not working for you. For four straight years, you flunk the examination. For four straight years, you strive so hard to reach that ultimate goal, but still fail to do so. That sometimes, I wonder maybe I should I have continued human medicine then. Perhaps, I would be luckier there. Or that maybe anything in the medical field is not really for me at all. That now you wonder, what would life be in the future. Should I just completely shun this life from now on? Or still continue trying? I freaking hate to disappoint my parents over and over and over again. Year in year out I tell myself I will get this, but I fail. And my parents would just keep their mouth shut but I could feel the burning desire for them to scold and lecture me, for not concentrating more, for not taking this stuff more seriously. Same goes to the boyfriend. I know Dad has completely given up on me. Because he told Mommy (and she told me) that this will be the last time that I will take the exam. Perhaps he's still thinking that he shouldn't have allowed me to take up this course in the first place all these years. And that year in year out I see friends pass the examination and claim their licenses, but I get to be left behind, doubting myself all the more.

Where do I go from here? I have no idea. Everyday when I wake up and before I sleep, I ask myself the same thing. They said, when a door closes, a window opens. A door suddenly closed. Without a tiniest warning. Then I thought maybe the window that would open would be I will pass the exam. But I didn't, and the window remained closed. Therefore I found myself trapped, making myself hide more from everyone around me. They tell me to be positive with life; but with my current situation, I don't think I could be positive at all. 

Life happens. And I just have to go with the flow.

365 Days of Love

365 Days of Love

A love story will not be good if it's pure love. A dash of petty fight and a pinch of argument adds spice to it. To love someone day in day out gives you reason to think not only for yourself, but as well as for your other half. To love someone makes you want to look forward to each day you wake up. To love someone is to love yourself more.

When you love someone, you love not only the phenotypic characteristic of the person; you also love the genotypic characteristics. You accept the person as a whole and not only because the person has a wonderful specific trait. Loving the other person means you respect his/her strengths as well as his weaknesses. If you love him/her, you never will pull him/her down, but instead you push the person you love to be at his/her best ability and when s/he slowly gives up, you give encouragement so as to allow him/her to continue giving his/her best.

On this day a year ago, my life changed. Aside from the multiple cat bites, that is. God gave me a quite surprising surprise that I really did not expect. Someone I was no longer expecting came up in front of me and presented himself. Thanks to those cat bites, because he confessed to me. Perhaps had the cat did not feast on me, he wouldn't confess at all up to this day. He took care of me for the rest of that day. And the rest, as they say, is history.

To the one who's been loving me day in day out for the past 365 days, who calmed me down when I'm feeling agitated or angry or depressed, who has been my constant simultaneous coach and supporter, my stress ball and stress reliever, my best friend whom I share my secrets and gossips: I love you. I love you. I love you. The past year has been a roller coaster ride, but those experiences make our relationship stronger each day. You've stayed with me even if there were times that I tried to push you away. You forgive me for all the stupidity that I do. You make me smile when I feel down. You simply complement me.

Looking forward on celebrating more anniversaries with you. I love you. Happy 1st anniversary, Baby Boy.  

bridgetco022820140701

Here's to Us

We could just go home right now 
Or maybe we could stick around 
For just one more drink. 
Oh yeah. 

Get another bottle out 
Let's shoot the shit, Sit back down 
For just one more drink. 
Oh yeah. 

Here's to us. 
Here's to love. 
All the times that we've fucked up. 
Here's to you. 
Fill the glass. 
Cuz the last few days have kicked my ass. 
Oh Let's give 'em hell. 
Wish everybody well. 
Here's to us. 
Here's to us. 

We stuck it out this far together 
Put our dreams through the shredder. 
Let's toast, cuz things got better. 

And everything could change like that. 
And all these years go by so fast, but 
Nothing lasts, forever. 

Here's to us. 
Here's to love. 
All the times that we've messed up. 
Here's to you. 
Fill the glass. 
Cuz the last few nights have kicked my ass! 
If they give you hell, 
Tell them Go fuck themselves. 
Here's to us. 
Here's to us. 

Here's to all that we kissed, 
And to all that we missed, 
To the biggest mistakes that we just just wouldn't trade. 

To us breakin' up, 
Without us breakin down. 
To whatever's comin' our way! 

Here's to us. 
Here's to love. 
All the times that we've fucked up. 
Here's to you. 
Fill the glass. 
Cuz the last few days have kicked my ass. 
Oh Let's give 'em hell. 
Wish everybody well. 

Here's to us. 
Here's to love. 
All the times that we messed up. 
Here's to you. 
Fill the glass. 
Cuz the last few nights have kicked my ass! 
If they give you hell, 
Tell them 
Go fuck themselves. 
(Go fuck themselves.) 
Here's to us. 
(Here's to us.) 

Here's to us 
(Here's to us.) 

Here's to us. 
Here's to love. 
Here's to us. 
(Wish everybody well.) 

Here's to us. 
Here's to love. 
Here's to us. 

Here's to us

*Lyrics from http://www.lyricsfreak.com/h/halestorm/heres+to+us_21001004.html

Who I Am

Adieu, 2012.

In few minutes from now, we will be bidding 2012 a good bye, and say hello to the 2013. Everyone is wishing for all the negativities to be left behind, and hope for the best to be received come 2013. 2012 has been one crazy roller coaster ride for me, just like all the past years. But what made this year different was, despite all the bad stuff, there were more good things that surfaced.

I may have lost few friends along my life's journey, but I definitely gained new ones, and old friendships have grown stronger. No life status nor educational background, all the more age, can dictate a friendship. Friends I have made this year have come from all walks of life, and it does not matter to me. There are the friends who are there to listen, ready to give you a hug, ears to listen to whatever you say, a shoulder to cry on, gives me an imaginary slap to return to reality, and urges me to take risk and not to give up. You know who you are, thank you for being there. Near, far, it doesn't matter, you surely are a real friend.

I did not expect to fall for someone this year. After falling in love and being disappointed, I just couldn't bring myself to fall all over again. But slowly, and unexpectedly, I did, funnily, to someone who was initially a complete stranger to me. Love isn't my priority really, but it comes, and I grab it.

Academics, they burned me out. I got to the point where I wanted to just let go-- again. My heart wasn't there anymore although I am happy on where I am right now. And with school, I found my love for volunteering at the hospital, prompting me to gain more knowledge when it comes to the small animal medicine world. I may not be as good with theoretical as I used to be years ago, but I sure learn a lot from hands on experiences on the months I've been volunteering.

Life itself is crazy. So much fights, frustrations, anger, hatred, disappointments, laughter, memories, experiences, risk; name it, it's there. As Forrest Gump said, "Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get." And with my friends around, they keep me sane, snapping me back to reality. Just another positive side of my life, I started healthy living again. :)

On new year's eve, we await for the entrance of the new 365 days that we will face with hope, courage, fear, or whatever else. I was rewatching New Year's Eve a while back on TV, and Hilary Swank said, "And as you all can see, the ball has stopped half way to its perch. it's suspended there to remind us before we pop the champagne and celebrate the new year, to stop, and reflect on the year that has gone by, to remember both our triumphs and our missteps, our promises made and broken, the times we opened ourselves up to great adventures... or closed ourselves down for fear of getting hurt, because that's what new year's all about , getting another chance, a chance to forgive. to do better, to do more, to give more, to love more, and to stop worrying about what if... and start embracing what will be. so when that ball drops at midnight, and it will drop, let's remember to be nice to each other, kind to each other, and not just tonight but all year long."

I am wishing for a wonderful 2013. No more big new year's resolutions for me-- just like for the past couple of years, just the simple, practical ones:

1. Continue living healthy
2. Concentrate with studies
3. Go with the flow
4. Take risk

Happy new year, everyone! Have an awesome 2013! 

Respect.

“Respect yourself and others will respect you.”

― Confucius, Sayings of Confucius

Respect. Paggalang. 尊敬.

How hard is it to respect another person? Like the quote above, you have to learn to respect yourself first before you could respect others, because if you don't respect yourself, how can you expect them to respect you back? Respecting yourself is when you know until where is your self-limitation, how you dress, how you bring yourself to public. 

When we were younger, our parents and teachers taught us to respect the elders. Yet as we grow older, wiser, and more mature, we learned that we don't only respect those who are older that than us, but we should also respect those who are younger.

When we respect other people, we don't choose whom to respect; everybody deserves to be respected, whether he is a very rich person or someone who has nothing. Even if he's the jeepney driver, or a bystander, or a security guard, or even the drunkard. May he be a PhD degree holder or someone who is not given the chance to study for a degree.

Respect is also given to someone who admits his weaknesses; it may seem that he is ashamed of what he lacks, but this could not mean that you will take pity on that person. Instead, it actually could lead you to have a bigger respect on that person for having the courage to admit of his weaknesses.

In my opinion, respect, like trust, is earned. And once broken, it may be difficult for you to gain the other person's respect on you. We must not abuse the respect being given to us by others.

Talking to myself

4 years ago, I was here contemplating on what to do with my life after a semester of medical school. I am now here again, 2 years and a semester in veterinary medicine. 1 year and a semester more and I will be done. But why am I now having doubts? I honestly don't want to give up especially now I'm nearing the end. But why am on the verge of surrendering?

4 years ago, I sat on the steps of the terrace saying that I have finally moved on and I am free. Now, I sat there again, thinking if this is it or this is just another dream and not a possibility at all; actually wondering what is really this between us.

Between 4 years ago and now, what was the difference? None. Both instances are giving me doubts on myself, insecurities building up, wondering a lot about the future. What does the future hold for me? Could those things that I want be in my future or they'd continue to be dreams only?

Dreams. I have a lot of it for my future. Love. Family. Career. Kids. Grand kids. License. Friends. But could those dreams of mine come true? I dream that he is the one, but is he really the one? I dream of having my own family, but will I have my own family? I have dreamed of a lot of careers that I want to be, but is any of it will be my career; better yet, will I be a successful veterinarian in the future? I dream of having kids of my own, but am I capable of bearing offspring? And the question continues to will there be my own grand kids?

Should I decide not to give up, I will be graduating in a year, and board exams come right after; will I graduate on time? Will I pass the board exams in one take? Will I be able to have enough knowledge for the exam? Friends come and go, who will be there for me until the end? Who will just leave me behind in a snap?

Here I go again, me and my babbling mind. My babbling mind that cannot be tamed, full of questions but no answers at all, full of doubts and worries but no assurances and comfort, full of love to give but gets nothing in return, full of dreams but gets nothing in reality.

-bridgetco Pontevedra, November 2, 2012, 21:23