Saturday, November 27, 2010


Dear Angkong,

Today is your first death anniversary. I'll always remember November 27, 2009. Mabilis ang mga pangyayari but I still remember them. Early that morning, before we left for our flight to Hong Kong, I went into your room and said goodbye to you and Ama. I even kidded that you wait for me when we return on the 29th. You both laughed at me pa and I know you waved at me pa. But a thought was bothering me the night before that pa, and I have told a friend about this thought that I had. Knowing that my imagination's running wild again, I forced myself to push that thought away as we boarded the plane. That night while we were sleeping, I kept hearing Dad’s phone receiving messages, but I didn’t mind it that much since hindi ko naman yun phone. Shortly after midnight, the hotel phone rang. Dad jumped from the bed to answer the phone. We don’t know who was on the other line, but we sensed something was wrong as Dad was answering in a panicky tone. When he put down the phone, he simply told us, “Patay na si Papa.” The sleepy me became wide awake and I suddenly remembered the thought that I had and I was silently cursing myself for having a wild imagination. I can remember na Dad can’t go back to sleep, and he decided to return to Manila the following day (28th) and nagpasya rin akong sumama to be with Ama. After we had the city tour, we asked the tour guide to drop us at the airport, while Mommy, Achi and Claire went to Disneyland. We were at the airport mga 3pm pa lang to ask if we can be chance passengers for the flight back to Manila. We had to endure the waiting in front of the check in counter just to know our fate kung makakabalik kami both ni Dad or only one can go back and the other (me!) take the train back to the hotel. By 8PM, lumapit sa amin yung attendant(?) and gave us our tickets! We arrived at NAIA-1 past midnight and Tita Plot fetched us from the airport and drove us to Heritage. I have conditioned myself to be strong and not to cry when I see your body. When we entered the room, my first thought was to turn around and walk back to the car and wait there, but I didn’t. Lumapit ako sa kabao mo and when I glanced at your face, I broke down. Hindi ko natupad yung promise ko sa sarili ko na hindi ako iiyak kapag nakita kita. Dad had to comfort me with the thought na you’re up there na and at least hindi ka na nahihirapan pa. It was hard and so sudden. We had to comfort each other for us to heal the loss we felt when you left.

Angkong, I’m sorry. I’m very, very, very sorry. Alam ko hindi ako naging super mabuting apo for you. Alam ko na dahil sa kababawan ko kaya hindi tayo nagpansinan for about 10 years kahit na andito lang tayo sa iisang bubong. It all started with my stupid lata of stickers. Kung hindi dahil sa latang yun, hindi tayo magkakaroon ng hidwaan. Biruin mo, all through out almost all of my elementary years, buong high school and college ko e hindi pala tayo nagpansinan? I’m so bad. Naaalala ko pa na nung nasa med school na ako, every after dismissal, pagkabalik ko sa dorm ko na kapitbahay lang ng school e tatawag ako agad sa bahay bago lumabas para bumili ng pagkain and ikaw madalas ang nakakasagot ng phone. Tinatanong mo lagi how my day went, kung kumain na ba ako then ipapasa mo ang phone kay Ama. And kapag umuuwi ako kapag Fridays e ikaw ang usual una kong makikita and mangangamusta kung nahirapan ba ako magcommute.

Alam ko nadisappoint ka rin when I stopped med. Alam ko lahat naman kayo nadisappoint eh. I did try my best naman to love med, pero hindi ko lang talaga siya naffeel at hindi rin ako magiging masaya in the long run. Nung nagkasakit si Ama, diba sabi ko sa iyo sa taas ka na matulog, ako na lang matutulog sa tabi ni Ama para in case kailangan i-BP or whatever, magagawa agad. Then one night bumaba ka, pagod yata ako kaya hindi ko naramdaman pero nagising ako, andun ka sa tabi ni Ama, nakadungaw tapos niloloko mo pa ako na hindi man lang ako nagising nung nagbukas ka ng pinto.

Aside kay Ama and minsan kay Claire, isa ka sa mga naging primary food taster ko sa mga pinagbbake at mga kung anu-anong niluluto ko, lalo na yung mga cookies. Tapos naaalala ko, madalas sinasabi mo kulang sa tamis kahit na minsan natatamisan na ako pati rin si Ama. Tapos kapag ulam naman, as long as hindi pork ang iluluto ko, kakain ka. Sayang, hindi mo na yata natikman yung blueberry cheesecake na ginawa ko, pati yung buko pandan. Pero, hayaan mo, ginawan kita ng gulaman with lychee kahapon para makuha mo siya ngayon para may food ka dyan. Matagal mo na rin siya hindi nakakain eh, diba. Hehehehe.

Namimiss ka na ni Ama. Namimiss ka na ni Dad kahit hindi niya sinasabi. Syempre, si A-ko miss ka na rin niya. Sila Kriz din, pati ako. Maraming times ka na bumisita kay Ama sa panaginip niya. PERO WAG MONG GAGAWIN ULIT YUNG GINAWA MO ONCE SA PANAGINIP NI AMA!!! HINDI AKO PAPAYAG!!! Just recently, bumisita ka rin sa panaginip ko, isang gabi lang siya pero in two different dreams. Why? Hindi mo naman ako kinausap, tumingin ka lang sa akin and nagsmile. Sinubukan kong tawagin ka kaya lang, walang boses na lumalabas sa bibig ko.

Sana andito ka pa. Sana naipagmaneho man lang kita kahit isang beses. Sana napatawad mo na si Dad sa naging alitan niyong dalawa. Sana nakikita mo si Genn ngayon kapag bumibisita siya dito, parang nakalunok lang ng melon. Sana mas naipagluto pa kita ng kung anu-anong mga pagkain. Sana nakikita mo how happy I am sa vetmed ngayon. Sana, napatawad mo na ako.

I love you, Angkong! Promise ko, aalagaan ko lagi si Ama.


Sunday, November 21, 2010

Nakipagwrestling ako sa aso.

I believe I have uttered that sentence quite a number of times last week. Why? Because I went to school on Wednesday with a lot of scratches on my left arm. You might ask what happened really happened. Well, truth be told, I was sratched by our dog, Cheese, who doesn't want to take a bath last Tuesday after having her nails and hair cut. She kept jumping out of the sink while I was rinsing her. Hence the scratches. I was just joking around whenever I tell my sisters and cousins that people might think I'm suicidal, especially the strangers I see when I commute. Oh, by the way, the dog's a Shih Tzu. Hehehehe.

This is my arm few days after being scratched by Cheese

It's been about 3 weeks already of the second semester aaaaaaand it's tiring. Very tiring. But fun as well! I think I enjoy going to school on Mondays, Wednesdays and Saturdays (although I tend to get bored when Saturday arrives) and dread the rest of the week. Lots of readings to do, assignments to finish, stuff to memorize, and notebooks to write on. I've been away from my school stuff for about 24hours now. I need to get back on them after I blog.

Dad told me this morning, "Kailangan mo nang magdrive ulit." I know right!! It's been almost a year since I last sat behind the wheel. I want to drive again! I want to drive to school to avoid the hassle (well, I will face the traffic if I drive), and drive to wherever I wanna go-- visit my FEU-NRMF friends for one, and visit whoever.

Till then!

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Think and blog

Funny how I miss going home late. Last night was the second time for this semester that I went home late, the first one was last Saturday. Good thing that Dad did not object when I told him yesterday morning that I'll be going home late, maybe because there are no classes for today (thank God!). So, for the 2 days that I went home late, I was at Trinoma with my friends. On Saturday, I was with my college/med friend, whom I just saw a week before classes started but there was a lot of stuff to share so we found that it is important for us to meet up, and we end up playing basketball, Time Crisis and Rambo at Timezone after having lunch and before buying important stuff we have on our respective lists. Mama, as I fondly call Mitch, and I met during my 1st year as a Biology student back in 2004 in our Zoology class after I got back from a week-long fever. We sat beside each other during the lecture and she was helping me understand the frog, which I missed on the lab class. And from then on, we became friends and eventually thesis partners on our very wonderful Babesia on horses.

On the other hand, I was with another med friend and her boyfriend (first time to see him) last night. Funny how Cheen and I got close, considering the history behind us. I actually did not expect us to be close after all the things that happened, but maybe there's a reason why we became close after about almost a year of just being civil to each other. But seeing her with her special someone makes me want to have one now. =| I admit, I miss the feeling of being in a relationship. Special guy for me, are you there? If you're the one that I want, speak up and show yourself to me now! Hehehe.

So now, I have a blogspot. Again. Maybe I'll make both blogspot and livejournal constantly updated. Or at least I should try to. I still am kinda regretting that I deleted my blogspot before. I can't remember the real reason why I deleted it. Because I don't update it anymore? Or because I got tired of fixing it? Or just because I don't want it anymore? I really don't know. But for now, I'm quite excited having blogspot again, hihi.

Just the other day, I finished a book called Something Blue by Emily Giffin. It's about a girl who cheated on her fiance by sleeping with another guy and got her pregnant. With her wedding cancelled, rift with her best friend and her own mother, and few weeks pregnant, she decided to move to London, stay at a childhood friend's place and start all over. There, she tried changing her old ways and try to become a new person as motherhood is fast approaching. When she had her checkup, the doctor suggested for an ultrasound even if she's positive she's having a girl. But, she's having a boy-- no, make that 2 boys! So, in the end, after giving birth, she had made up with her best friend and her mother, let go of her past grudges, fell in love with the childhood friend unexpectedly and eventually get married. No, I'm not advertising the book, unless you're into chic lit, you may read it! But, it got me thinking with babies. I have 2 elementary classmates who now have their kids. A college friend is now heavy with her own. A sister of a close friend recently gave birth to a baby girl. My cousin is 5months pregnant. I want to have my own kids too in time. I can't imagine myself though with a big tummy aside from my fats (lol). But I want to experience some fetus kicking inside me, or when time for an ultrasound, you can see the life form inside, all curved up, sucking it's little thumb. And when it's time to deliver the baby, I want to experience holding the little baby in my arms after his/her daddy cuts the umbilical cord and hearing his/her first sound. Yeah, I want to experience those. =)